I don't know how I feel.

Recently I've had my heart torn to shreds by this boy I thought would never do that to me. Despite the fact of the promises the fact of the lies the fact of the deception I never once lost interest in him, or stopped caring. To be honest - I still love him as much today as I did when we were together. I've had a few days to think about where my life is headed and why and all I know is that the reason I'm moving is far bigger than because he broke me. I've loved Ottawa, Ontario ever since I was a young girl. Its been a place I've been able to escape my fears and just be free. I've been my most creative person being there and I know that being there I am truly happy - without any of that mushy, love bullshit. I don't need it to feel accepted there and I don't need it to be happy there. I am just truly more myself being there. I have this feeling that although my parents think moving there will be a HUGE mistake and I'll regret it - that I'm going to become a better person. Being far away from this crappy city - will make me smile more than anything. I will finally be able to want to wake up and go outside - no matter the weather. I will finally be able to see myself smile, without having to force it on my face. Thats what my smile has come down to - being fake and plastered on. Nothing will make me happier than to finally be somewhere I can call home - and to be there with the one girl in my life, that truly loves me. Elisha Marie Beam. She's my sunshine, my other half, and the reason I'm still standing tall and strong today.